OnLine With Zoe

My Favorite Veteran - Ice Cutter Part 1 & 2

ICE CUTTER PART ONE   April 4, 2004

If you are particularly lucky, like me, you grew up with a special person who cleared a path for you.  They expanded life’s possibilities just by being themselves and you got to watch.  Maybe they directly impacted your life.  Maybe they just made other people get out of your way.  Maybe they gave you some extra latitude so you could think for yourself.  But in any case, life without them would not be same.

I think of these people as ice cutters.  They are just like the boats that go out alone and cut through frozen water.  They make way for the boats that don’t have cutters in the front and are not able to travel freely.  They may dispel fear.  They may instill courage.  They may bestow respect in advance of earning it.  They say – I know you can, I know you will, I trust you.

When I was a very little girl, my family would say the rosary every night.  On the landing at the top of the stairs, there was a life size statue of Mary, surrounded with five prie dieus.  In front of her was a perpetual candle flickering light on her crystal eyes.  When the dinner was finished and dishes done, we would kneel together and recite five decades of the rosary.  But when the standard five were done, we would tack on an extra set of Hail Mary’s for a mysterious man who lived in that weird place; California. 

It was stated right up front, we were in a battle for his soul.  He was an ex-Catholic.  He stopped going to Mass.  He lived near the Pacific Ocean and visited Mexico.  He was a communist.  He was not one of us.  We beseeched the creator to grant this man mercy and not condemn him to hell.  At five years old, I was sure this man was interesting and I wanted to meet him.

He and his family sent us the very best Christmas and birthday presents.  A curious box would arrive from California with string around it.  The presents inside were wrapped in handmade paper and the gift cards were little folded scraps of the wrapping paper taped on the package.  They were always strange and foreign and just fantastic.  Once I got a scrapbook with onion paper between each page.  I had never seen anything like it.  Where did they find such things? 

When I was eight, we went to visit this godless man.  He was my mother’s brother.  He had a wife and three children.  He drove a VW microbus and wore collarless shirts.  He was handsome.  When he shook hands, it was weird because he was missing a finger from the war.  He talked to me in full sentences and asked real questions and waited for my answers.  He took me on two outings I remember vividly. 

One afternoon he took me to a bookstore.  He looked at his watch and said that in one hour he would buy for me whatever books I picked out.  He did not follow me around.  He did not tell me that any sections were off limits.  He did not rush me.  After an hour I placed my pile next to the register.  The clerk rang up the entire stack, my handsome uncle paid for them and off we went.  It was my first time in a bookstore, the first time I got to choose things for myself and the first books of my own that were not about saints. 

Another day, when I was bored out of my eight year old mind, he made arrangements for me to go to Disneyland by myself for the entire day.  At 10 AM, he handed me a fist full of lettered tickets, dropped me off at the gate and told me to be at the exact same spot at 5 PM, when he would be there to pick me up.  He did not fret or worry or carry on.  It was 1957.  Times were different.  I was safe and thrilled and thought that I was the coolest girl in all the Magic Kingdom.  I rode the spinning cups seven times in a row, after handing the man seven “C” tickets all at once. 

 My uncle was my ice cutter.  My uncle is my ice cutter.  I think of him almost every day.  He lives in Canada and is not a Catholic and is handsome.  He cleared a path for me in a stifling world where my mother and father offered only one option, one way of living, one point of view. 

 Life would be boring, petty and redundant without ice cutters.  Sometimes I do not agree with ice cutters.  Sometimes I need a strong ice cutter.  Many times I search for an ice cutter.  They push and throw fear out the window.  They wander and step beyond the garden path.  They climb the ladder and shout back, “Hey, it looks like fun over here.” 

ICE CUTTER PART TWO  April 15, 2004

The responses that came in from my ice cutter blog were as you might imagine.  Everyone has a person that deeply touched them.  And, as I have  always known and delight in, I am my nephew’s ice cutter.  His parents knew too and they also knew there was nothing they could do about it. 

 First I want to share that my uncle thought I was saying “ice crusher,”  proving once again, that he is always on his own wave length.  Second, let me recommend that you send a little note to your ice cutter: the English teacher, the scout leader, the child-free grandma-type, the widowed neighbor, clever store clerk.  They would love a note from you. 

Readers who wrote, shuffled through memories.  They remembered someone who listened and, by doing so, implied that there was something to hear.  They thought of someone who took them to an inspiring place or/and bought them something that broke the boundaries of expectation.

Now I want to expand the idea of ice cutter.  Over the years, I have watched my mind swiftly and stealthily freeze.  I get an idea.  I decide I like the idea.  I adopt the idea.  And like Storm, of the X-Men, I instantly freeze it.  It is hard, firm, sure, cold.  It is unchanging, sharp, impenetrable.  When a person puts forth a conflicting view, they got more than a frosty stare or frigid response.  They met an iceberg of opposition.  They got freezer burn. 

Some of my ideas were good ones; liberation, education, self-inquiry.  Some ideas were bad; exclusivity, separatism, hierarchy.  Obviously the best thing that could happen was a Spring breeze, but often it was extremism that took a jack hammer to my frozen resolve.  Someone stepped way out there and I flirted with changing my mind.  Someone took a big chance and asked me to see or hear or feel things never before considered. 

It can be an intimate thing like Maria’s first kiss.  I stood up from the couch, sat down on the rocking chair and watched my entire universe melt.  It can be a public thing like Kent State or the 1968 National Democratic Convention and feeling my childhood politics lose it’s resolve.  It can be a negative thing like the Mistress of Novices saying that she would not accept a fat girl and seeing my vocation shatter.   

Over the last decade I have turned my attention to social ice cutters.  There is a bumper sticker on my car for Dennis Kucinich.  Yes, I KNOW he won’t be President, but he offers something off the path, he widens the path, he is brave.  I don’t listen to Howard Stern, but if radio has no room for Howard, that path is narrowing and has no room for me.   TV is almost ALL an iceberg.  National politics is two icebergs.  Could the iceberg of marriage and family possibly be thawing?   

Please join with me in celebrating courageous ice cutters who face ridicule, unemployment or even prison.  

Protect Ice Cutters. 

Promote Ice Cutting.

Be an Ice Cutter. 

 

 

 

Aunt Mattie is at the Train Station

I am not one who steps away from a taboo.  Actually, I often search for the taboo and let it rip.  Certainly around gender, age and religion, I have no hesitation.  But here is one that makes me think more than twice ~ Mother’s Day.  It is holy, guarded, anointed.  It has been untouchable for most, with the brave exception of Anne Lemott. She says a mouthful and survived.  Maybe I will too.

Personally, my role models were spectacular.  My biological mother was not any good at mothering whatsoever.  I have written about that enough.  But in that abyss, I turned to saints, goddesses, authors, activists.  I have no shortage of astounding women to thank.  I hope I am more like many of them than my bio-mom.

My gripe is that in all the hoopla about Mother’s Day, there is the equal and opposite action of diminishing the single woman, the child-free woman, the spinster.  It is not only within the family.  Not only is it in the maitre d’, “table for one?”  Not only is it in the greeting card aisle organized by relationship. 

It is in the eyes of people who assume it is a failed dream.  It is in the Father of the Bride, as Spencer Tracy forgetting to pick up the “maiden” Aunt Mattie at the train station.  It is in the actuarial tables.  It is in the neighborhood architecture.  And it is in the voice of those who have children and assume their life is infinitely more complex and time more precious. 

When is the day we honor those women who knew they were not meant to have children and made sure it did not happen?  When is the day to honor child-free women who are expected to have more time for the fundraiser, the phone bank, the event.   As Anne Lemott says, “But Mother’s Day celebrates a huge lie about the value of women: that mothers  are superior beings, that they have done more with their lives and chosen a more difficult path.”  Somehow it is implied that time is a rare commodity for mothers and is dirt cheap for non-mothers.

Already I am cringing.  Already I am assuming readers’ responses.  Usually such a thing emboldens me but in this one case it cautions me.  Be tempered.  Be careful.  Be diplomatic.  There is nothing so absolved from attack as motherhood.  We paint it, we celebrate it, we sanctify it.  Seems dangerous to examine it.  Even Anne Lamott made sure to mention she is a mother, somehow it mitigated the danger. 

Miss Paul and the 113th Congress

If you divided the entire country into people who know the ERA is in play and those who do not, it would be two very uneven groups.  And within the group who knows it is and has always been in play you can find a tenacious sub-group who are half crazy from telling people that it 1) did not pass and 2) it is always, ALWAYS, introduced into Congress.  ALWAYS.  It is surprising that I have not lost my mind answering that in these many years, since 1972 when Nixon signed it. 

Every Congress for decades has introduced the standard ERA, however modern day editions do not include any deadline.  March 5, 2013, Senator Menendez (D-NJ) introduced it into the 113th Congress; S.J. Res. 10.  The concern associated with this version is that setting the process back to zero, even without a deadline, could be a net loss as some of the original ratified states may not ratify now.  To bypass that danger, there is a new effort to simply remove the deadline from the 1972 bill.  Therefore the 35 ratified states would not be able to rescind, requiring only three more states to ratify and seal the deal. 

You can argue all day about half a dozen serious unknowns.  Believe me I know them all and have spent a lot of time over the last 30 years ruminating about it.  I have found smart people on both sides of each strategy.  In fact, it is the disagreement that has made me step away from the heated debate.  Fact is no one knows if the deadline is constitutional or if removing the deadline is constitutional.  No one will know until something happens, until the deadlock is broken and there is some motion in some direction.  It will have to be tested one way or another. 

Here is what I do know for sure:

• There is absolutely no reason to work to stop either strategy.  I have refused to spend a single second arguing against either strategy.
• Any conversation on the ERA passing is time well spent.
• Until the deadline is removed or the start over is in play, the 15 non-ratified states are in a stalemate.  The last 30 years have validated that.  There is no reason for one of the 15 to make a move before the move has any possible application.
• Any and all speculation on how the ERA would be applied once ratified is total waste of time.  No one knows.  What we do know is that the 14th Amendment is not the guarantee the United States needs for constitutional equality.  

Here is what I believe:

• The US Constitution is a dynamic document that determines the destiny of the people, the country, and, in some ways, the world.  It is fundamentally incomplete and always will be until all genders are explicitly included.
• It does not matter which strategy gets this done.  After one of the most painful nights of my life, several years ago, I came to the conclusion ~ ALL HANDS ON DECK.  Support them BOTH and settle for no loss.  NO LOSS. 

This last December I began one of my marathon inquiries.  I decided to find Miss Alice Paul*.  I turned off the TV and radio.  I put aside all other interests.  I read around 30 books, 50 articles and interviewed six women who knew Miss Paul for varying amounts of time. 

Here are two pertinent astounding things I discovered:

First, Miss Paul was not called to testify at the ERA hearings in the 92nd Congress.  She asked the women who did testify to come to her home for a talk.  They arrived with an idea that she would be pleased and grateful.  In fact, she was furious.  Miss Paul knew that 1972 H.J. Res 208’s inclusion of a deadline was certain death for the 24 words she had labored over for close to 50 years.  She told the misguided young testifiers that now, with the deadline, the anti-ERA people had to stall the process in only one state to stop it DOA and, as history confirmed, she was right.   I was beside myself when told this story.  I asked emphatically, Why did you not include Miss Paul?  Why didn’t you heed her concerns?!  And she said they thought she was just an old lady who didn’t understand the great victory of passing H.J. Res 208.  On the phone that day in January 2013 two women cried.  Both of us older women now, we know the young ignorance and tragedy of ageism.  Miss Paul knew everything but she was, “just an old lady in a chair.”  In fact, Miss Paul was so upset and knew it had no chance of passing with the attached deadline, she did not accept the invitation to join in at the signing. 

Second, Miss Paul, with three law degrees, did not know how the ERA would impact the law.  She did not waste a precious moment on speculation or even on trying to control it.  From her interview with Miss Amelia Fry, Miss Paul said, “I think if we get freedom for women, then they are probably going to do a lot of things that I wish they wouldn’t do, but it seems to me that isn’t our business to say what they should do with it.  It is our business to see that they are free.”

I feel confident that Miss Paul would be very happy that Senator Cardin (D-MD) and Senator Kirk (R-IL) are going to introduce a bill into the 113th Congress to remove the deadline.  I also feel she would never waste a moment speculating on the interpretation of the amendment.  All Miss Paul would want is for 38 states to ratify the ERA and the United State Constitution to explicitly state, Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of sex. 

As she so famously said, “There is nothing complicated about Equality.”

*in my reading and interviews I came to know that her preference was to be addressed as Miss Paul.                      

MO has got his back.

Coming out is always brave.  It involves the slaying of all fears imagined and real.  It embraces all outcomes.  It is not a leap off a balance bar with arms up, knees bent and applause.  It is taking the chance that there may not be any oxygen over there.  And, for most, there is a knowing that there will be no going back.  The closet door is perceived, at the opening, as one way. 

Who won’t love me?  Who will ridicule me?  Who will never sit as close to me with free flowing laughter?  Will my teams arc around me just a bit?  Will prayers pray, will judges judge, will comdemners condemn.  Only bravery will save us from this drowning in guesses.  No matter how imagined, how outlandish, how uncalled for, there is nothing certain about coming out. 

I had nothing to lose. (maybe the boy I had to tell to move out)  And yet at that first kiss I knew everything changed.  Everything.  I was twenty-eight.  It was 1976.  My mother told me she would burn in hell for this sin.  A new height in guilt though I had dismissed the notion of hell long before so it held no leverage for me.  But I was luckier than most, older than many, independent and madly in love.  The remarkable advantage I had was that falling in love was my motivation for coming out.

For me it was not a secret camp crush.  It was not a frightening fissure in my being that must be denied.  It did not fester like a sore that had to be bandaged with fake dates or, worse, a fake marriage with children.  My coming out was not bursting after years of painful lies swirling inside. 

My coming out is a sword I use, often with great glee, as I look like an old nun or a third grade teacher who could well be in the front pew on Sunday.  POW.  Hey, I am queer.  How do you like me so far?  And most get over it, of course I don’t want to date their children.  My mission is much more dangerous.  I live to tell their queer kids that they are not sick, they are not sinners, they are not broken. 

But another of the intersections of me is that I am a feminist.  I not only want equality under the law.  I not only live as if all are equal.  I work to change the comfortable, culturally embedded notion that women don’t count.  At least, women don’t count as much. 

It’s been interesting to hear all the cheers for Jason Collins.  It was top of the news last night on all the commercial channels.  And there have been so many chirping high fives ~ from the Obamas and Lakers and Queerville.  Only Jimmy Fallon opened last night with, “As Martina said, “Hell-o?!”  This morning my facebook newsfeed had a few pieces on the women who have come out ~ published in Mother Jones to Feministing. 

Brittney Griner came out last week too.  Martina, Billie Jean, Renee, why even list them all?  The silent deafening lessons have been broadcast at dinner tables, in classrooms, ball fields across the nation; girls don’t matter as much.  Girls don’t have so much to lose.  Girls don’t make that much money.   Sasha and Malia got the memo: Mom’s got Jason’s back.          

USA v Choi

I am on the plane home. I hate writing on my iPad. But I have been reading about yesterday's trial and am want to post this tiny offering. One person wrote, where are Dan's friends. I don't know where that person was but I sat with many of Dan's friends. Yes, there were some new people who have no history. There were some who came just for the photo and to make sure their name was spelled right. There were strong, loving siblings. There were great good friends who know the depth of this man and knew that on, March 28, 2013, this was the right place to be. Seven of us went to the hospital with him: in for the long haul. Standby to standby.

I was at a rather peculiar disadvantage with some crazy virus. My eyes were burning and ears almost shut but here are just a tiny few sentences that I heard.

From Dan's closing:

Politics is poetry with a different pronunciation.

Bad consequences happen when you cease to laugh and love.

I did not mean to disobey, I simply will not be censored.

At times Dan roared with the spirit of his beloved poet, Al -Mutanabbi -- but in Arabic, of course,

"The horse, the night and the desert all know me, they know my name. The sword, the spear, the paper and the pen all know me"

In the river of it all, I heard,

The judge ask Ms. George, what did he fail to obey? It seems he was spoiling the scenic view for tourists with cameras wanting to snap the White House.

Dan asked the arresting officer, Did you arrest us because you were taking away gay rights?

Dan asked, Are not our handcuffs speech? And the judge agreed. They are.

In the four hours many things were said. I hope we can all own, read, treasure the full transcript. But the room belongs to those who were there. We witnessed the fact that we are all complex human beings. Greatness has a terrible price; friends, foes, barnacles and angels. Booming poetry and tears so profound you know this broken heart has a depth that will not be denied.

Mostly. I want to say, a young queer soldier sat in front of me. I heard her say, I can serve openly because of this man. That's all I can write about it today.

 

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The March for Equality

There are no coincidences.  It is a phrase bandied about which seldom has applied in my life more than now.  The week of March 26 – 30 is a pivotal and profound set of days in the March for Equality.  We can only hope that the Cherry Blossoms intoxicate the whole of D.C. with the perfume of change in the direction of justice. 

March 26 and 27, SCOTUS will be hosting a Pride like no other.  It will be listening, weighing and considering if they are evolved enough to state legally and publicly that marriage is a civil right.  Should they find their higher selves, they will be able to do this.  Those of us who
already know the deep truth of it will welcome them to this 21^st Century wisdom. 

March 28 will be an amazing companion to this Equinox of change.  It will be the second time in US history that a president has engaged the DOJ to prosecute a single (singled-out) citizen for obstruction at the White House fence.  Lt. Dan Choi follows in Miss Alice Paul’s path with this unique outcome.  She was arrested, tried and sentenced in 1917 for obstruction at the White House fence.  Just as Mr. Wilson directed his staff to act and the media to ignore, Mr. Obama has pushed on with an iron fist both in the prosecution by the Department of Justice and the censorship of mainstream press.  Lt Choi stood at the fence, as have thousands of others but is the only one facing the DOJ.  Ironically, being found guilty and sentenced would result in being disqualified to re-enlist.  Certainly this is the epitome of Heller’s Catch 22.

Recently I have been investigating the temperament of President Wilson and his henchmen.  From the DOJ to the press, Mr. Wilson was vigilant to stop Miss Paul, stop the embarrassment, stop the outward demonstration of his preference to steer clear of suffrage.  Miss Paul pressed harder as the resistance mounted, creating greater tension.  She was as clever, brave and possibly more effective than Mohandas Gandhi in the practice of Non-Violent Direct Action.  Mrs. Pankhurst lit some fire in Albert Hall. 

The direct lineage is not lost on me that Miss Paul, the Mahatma, Dan Choi, Cindy Sheehan, Sonia Johnson, Mary Lee Sargent, Robin McGehee, dozens of others have stood still in the maelstrom of chaos and said, “truth is here.  I will not move as truth is here.”  Just as apt is the reverse; they moved the barriers to change to say, “this change is justice herself.  This demonstration is going to break the social stasis.”  No matter the metaphor, these are the people who move possibility.

On March 28, I will be in that courtroom.  Maybe you would like to be there too.  Please tell anyone you think would want to know about it and/or would like to be there. 

8:00 AM on Courthouse Lawn - Yoga, Meditation and Interfaith Prayer
9:00 AM in Courtroom 6, (Second Floor) - Trial
U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia
333 Constitution Ave. N.W.
Washington D.C.

If you or anyone you know would like to write the judge -
Judge John M. Facciola
USA v. Lt. Daniel Choi
E. Barrett Prettyman Courthouse
United States District Court
333 Constitution Avenue NW
Washington, D.C. 20001

The Engaged Heart ~ On Sale Now

The day has finally arrived.  The Engaged Heart ~ An Activist's Life is now on sale. 
The Trade Paperback is available at Lune Soleil Press
The Kindle Edition is on Amazon

Sally Miller Gearhart, Professor Emerita San Francisco State, Author and self-described, "recovering political activist."
The Engaged Heart is a profoundly intelligent book, written with passion and wit.  Zoe Nicholson vividly chronicles her experiences as a combatant in the struggle for Equality and the book thus constitutes a virtual manual for feminist & LGBT activism, complete with defeats and triumphs, mistakes and miracles.  For those who lived over the last 50 years, the book will spark wonderful memories; for those who didn’t, it might well inspire a volcanic eruption of serious commitment on the part of those of us who treasure dreams of justice.  Be ready, America!

Erin Matson, Author & Activist
The heart of the equality movement is authenticity. It is additive, diverse, individual, maddening and vibrant. It refuses to be permanently overcome by discrimination or "custom." The Engaged Heart is a shattering piece of authenticity. Zoe's life has power to empower yours. 

Overwhelming Gratitude

Sometimes I wonder if I say too much.  Do I talk too much about myself.  It is a funny thought when the fact is I often go happily for days not speaking to a soul.  In three weeks, my memoir will come back from the printer and, though it is out on kindle right now, it appears readers really want the paper book in their hands, on a table, in a backpack.  Maybe it should come with a pen as so many have told me they want to write in the margins. 

I have taken to hand wringing with both nerves and excitement.  Right now I am entirely overwhelmed which is a word on my self-imposed forbidden list.  (No, I won’t say what the other words are.)  Ever since I read Esther Hicks explain the repercussions  of saying and believing the word overwhelmed, I do all I can to not use it. 

A feeling of being overwhelmed is your indicator that you are denying yourself access to all manner of cooperation that could assist you if you were not disallowing them. 
Abraham-Hicks

Today, it is irresistible.  I am overwhelmed with gratitude.  It is hard to imagine that I am in the way of any outpouring of support.  Kickstarter money is spent.  Rewards are mailed except for the ones for this book.  Books ordered.  Whew.  My Valentines Day is going to be unforgettable. 

The ERA depends on the Order of Things

Happy New Year and Happy New Congress.  All of the bills we knew and loved in the 112th have been erased like a picture on an etch-a-sketch.  Now we watch new bills, old bills, very old bills get reintroduced or disappear.  Every time a new congress sits I feel a bit of nostalgia for Senator Ted Kennedy’s introducing the ERA on every March 22 of a new congress, the anniversary of congress finally sending it out to the states.  Oh that we be so lucky as to have all ERA bills introduced early into the 113th.  The introduction of all 4 ERA bills happened late in the timing of the 112th.  I have my suspicions about that being on purpose. 

The Order of Things.  I feel strongly about the order of things and I am not alone in that.  President Obama, and as State Senator Obama, clearly believes in the order of things.  All of government operates on the order of things.  Personally I am not any good at bureaucracy as I am too impatient and an activist.  That does not mean I don’t understand the practice and value of Robert, Rules and Order. 

Many thousands of us are all too aware of the June 30, 1982 deadline in the ERA, signed March 22, 1972.  By that I mean not only the deadline itself but the anomaly of any deadline attached to an amendment bill.  It was crap.  It is crap and should be removed.  Which leaves us with the problem of the order of things.  How can it be removed?  It has to be removed by the process that created it by those who voted for it – the U.S. Congress. 

My facebook page is flooded with requests to sign a “We the People” petition asking the Executive Branch of government to support removing the deadline to the ERA.  I fully respect all of the people who wrote it, promote it, sign it and want this done.  My response today is not a disagreement and I hope that readers will see that my purpose here is to identify the order of things and name valid actions to get it done.

The order of things for removal of the deadline

• Congress members submit the ERA Bills to remove the ERA deadline
• Congress moves the bill to committee
• Congressional committee holds hearings and vote to send the bill to the floor
• Congress votes on the bill
• Non-ratified states can vote legally

The 112th never held hearings or moved the bill out of committee.  The Sub-Committee on Constitutional Amendments was Republican.  The bills languished and died in December 2012.  Of course all of us want to see the bills introduced immediately, the congressional process removing this boondoggle of a deadline and three states be freed to ratify. 

A petition process is our right and many times effective.  So let’s look at who to petition and what petition to use.  Why not petition pro-ERA Senators and Representatives to introduce the Remove Deadline bills now.  We know who they are.  They are the ones who supported the ERA in the 112th.  Petitioning the President is indirect.  Lets recognize that this President has demonstrated again and again that he believes in process.  President Obama is a Constitutional expert and be it DADT, DOMA, ERA – he follows process.  So why not petition Baldwin, Cardin, Maloney, Menendez?  Every Dem in Congress?

 The White House designed the “We the People” petition process to create grassroots conversation.  No number of signatures guarantees that the President will respond.  NPR has investigated this and reported that this particular petition does not go anywhere.  So we can be glad that we are posting on facebook, seeing increasing numbers of people learning about the ERA but let’s not be lulled into thinking that this petition is going to do anything beyond that.  I wish the whole “We the People” petition process  would be taken down.  It is misleading and inauthentic, dare I say, manipulative.

My personal position on the ERA bills is simple: I support them all.  I do not want to speak against any.  My short-hand is “All Hands on Deck.”  I am 100% behind whatever gets full constitutional equality for every citizen.  The 3-State Strategy has a lot less risk than the Start-Over as no one wants to see any of the 35 ratified states move to rescind.  To me it is a question of traction.  Support them all at the gate and when one bolts out in the front – cheer like crazy (translate – work your ass off). 

I have been told that no one agrees with me.  Oh, I have been on that spot before.  And, actually it is not true.  I want to see the love for the ERA, the respect for the ERA, the entire ERA movement succeed.  I want the groundswell to be using strong effective tools, education based in reality (not on bathrooms or foxhole BS from the ‘80’s) and laser focus on the ORDER OF THINGS.

The Self Interview Unchained

I am not a fan of chain mail, email, posts.  I don’t respond in five minutes with six people I want to hug or send angels to rescue.  I don’t want to tell you my last meal choice, the one word to describe you or post what ten words I would say if you called for bail.  But ask me about writing, about my books, about “Intellectual Activism” in the words of Patricia Hill Collins and I will clear my desk. 

This fine morning Shannon Drury, The Radical Housewife, included me in a facebook post.  She had been enlisted by Sonya Huber, who asked about The Next Big Thing.   Sonya says, “Basically, I get to answer these questions and then tag five writers who I think are the Next Big Thing. Very cool!”  I concur.

What is the title of your book? 
The Engaged Heart ~ An Activist’s Life. 

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
How did I get from there to here? 

What genre does your book fall under?
Political Memoir
(I want to use Lerner’s phrase, Political Autobiography but Frey robbed us all of using the word autobiography and, frankly, memoir leaves a lot more latitude) 

Where did the idea come from for the book?
My practice is Engaged Buddhism.  I think the best way to talk about it is through the demonstration of a life.  I hope that my life, my story, my passion, as manifest in my political activism, will inspire, inform and possibly ignite a few activists who just cannot stop.  No, you can’t when it is your calling.  Lucky you.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?
Microsoft Word took care of that, 1,410 hours at the keyboard and about the same amount of time sorting through my life.  I looked at every photo, every document, every Filofax 1985 – 2012 and all 515 blogs I had written over the last 14 years.  I made a 25 page-  two column outline of events of my life and then began to color outside the lines, off the page and on the walls. 
The most interesting thing was watching the events stream by like cars in a train, passing through some type of selection machine, awarding or discarding importance.  At 64 I was constantly surprised with what was significant and what was entirely forgettable.  Many things  I thought valuable deserved no remark and were flicked away forever.  Like sorting the attic, I organized my life.  It was industrial strength roto-rooter self-discovery.  I highly recommend it.     

Who or what inspired you to write this book? 
Doris Stevens, Lillian Hellman, Beatrix Potter, M.K.Gandhi, Paulo Friere, so many, so many.  But more honestly the answer is the tragedy, the broken heartedness of wanting to read a person’s own life story to find there is none.  What did SHE think about this or that.  How did She manage that disappointment?  Where did SHE find the courage to continue when nothing was working?  How did SHE not give up? 
The most incendiary thing for me was the movie, Iron Jawed Angels.  How could anyone represent Alice Paul as such an insipid fool?  And the movie, Milk which portrays Harvey as a single faceted human being when he was infinitely more.  The true story is always so much better than some watered down, product-placed piece of cheery fiction.  I don’t want to see the newly released acclaimed Lincoln once I read that the Black characters are slivers of their true selves. 
I want to know that Alice hid a copy of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s poetry in her skirt when taken to jail and threw it at a window in the suffocating dining hall for a bit of air.  What was to be gained in showing her throwing a shoe as done in the movie.  Why invent a boyfriend?  Was Hollywood so unable to make a movie about a woman without a boyfriend?  Where is your political memoir, Alice?    

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
In 2001 I submitted my book about fasting for the ratification of the ERA.  I have a file of 28 rejection letters which all say the same thing, Dear Ms. Nicholson, Thank you for all you have done for the ERA and this wonderful book.  We could not sell a book on feminism in the current market.  Wish you all the best.  I did what I always do, what I like a lot about me – I did it myself.  I learned all I could about the professional production of books and started my own publishing company, Lune Soleil Press.  LSP is publishing The Engaged Heart. 

What other works would you compare this book to within your genre?  (I would amend this to say books that inspire)
Fireweed, A Political Autobiography
My Experiments with Truth
Autobiography of a Yogi
The Sun at Midnight
Cave in the Snow

What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?
I would so prefer a documentary, like the Times of Harvey Milk or Last Call at Maud’s.  But if I had to choose, it would be Rosie O’Donnell.  Maybe she could gain some weight for the role. 

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
The provenance of change is what consumes me.  How does it occur?   What pushes it forward and why does it stall or reverse?  Since change occurs from the inside out, the only way to see how it happens is to look inside.  I have dug deeply, told the truth and never opted to sweeten a telling. The goal was to excavate how a mind and heart change. 

Who or What are your Next Big Things?  
Wilder than any rollercoaster – I am a wreck waiting for it to come out.  I handed my pdf off to the designer, finished a successful Kickstarter campaign to finance it and contacted my printer.  Readers, reviews, who’s pissed because I did or did not talk about them.  Yikes! February it will be out in paper.  It is currently available in Kindle.

Now I am working on a new presentation, The Provenance of Change.  We need to understand change and consciously join with it.  Reproductive Autonomy, Full Federal Equality, Gender Equity and political representation = change at the speed of light rushing through the intergalactic Wi-Fi.  What a time to be alive. 

YOU - you are the next big thing.  What are you going to do now?  I want to see and cheer.  What is going to happen to women who want full access to political process?  What is going to happen as LGBT are visible in all segments of society?  What is the oppressor going to do as the oppressed are finding one another and uniting to say, ENOUGH is ENOUGH?  YOU are the Next big and best thing! 

Kick Ends in 7 Days

The Kickstarter campaign has one week to go. You can still back this project. It closes on January 6, so we can all watch Downton Abbey in peace.  

This 37 day carnival of emotions, excitement and thrills is about all this ole lady can handle ~ the push of finishing  The Engaged Heart, the release on Kindle and the Kickstarter campaign.

Some people wait for the last minute or wait for Christmas to be in the rear view mirror. If that is you, this is your moment.  

 

Thank you to the 57 backers.  YOU blew my mind.  When the campaign ends, I will be able to contact you for your rewards and to thank you directly.  The funds will be charged to you on January 7 and released around January 21.  That is when we will be placing our order for print editions of The Engaged Heart. 

12/12/12 Dream Come True

These last 10 days have been more exciting than I ever imagined.  Some nights I wondered if I could contain it.  I have taken to hand-wringing which I have not done for 15 years.

As it says on the Kickstarter site, backers are joining in your dream.  I am not used to such an outburst of support.  It sure is wonderful. 

Now the campaign has 23 days to go and I have been told there are people who wait till the last minute.  That's great - it means I can order more than the original 100.  The more in the order, the better the price.  I do hope people understand that none of the money is charged until the campaign ends.  January 6 at midnight, the pledges will be charged to backers cards.  

Thank you so much.  I have learned the overwhelming joy of sharing my dream.  The Engaged Heart is going to print!

Check out the rewards - maybe you would lke to join the campaign now that we know it is going to happen for sure! Kickstarter - The Engaged Heart

Kickstarter Campaign to take The Engaged Heart to Print

Writing for a year, actually 1,410 hours, my 4th book is done.  Over 500 pages with 120+ pictures, The Engaged Heart is my whole life memoir.

When I started, I thought I would write it and offer it only on kindle.  The Hungry Heart and The Passionate Heart are available on kindle now. 

Then people started asking for a signed paper edition of the new one. They said they wanted to hold it, write in the margins, stuff it in a suitcase. 

I don't have the money for my designer to format for print (very different from kindle), a big print run or storage.  I investigated a bit and found out that my printer, Worzalla, offers both Print on Demand and recycled paper.  I can order in small affordable increments and will not have the problem of climate-controlled storage. 

Watching campaigns on kickstarter inspired me to give it a go.  With quotes from both my graphic designer and printer, $4,000 would assure The Engaged Heart would go to print.  I hope you will consider becoming a backer.  There are lots of rewards; signed books, postcards, movie screenings. 

Maybe you don't know what kickstarter is.  It is a collective funder which vets a project, posts serious ones, and only pays out if the goal is met.  In fact, if the goal not met, no one is charged for their pledge.  Stop by, pick out a reward and make a pledge. 

This is a wild ride but I already made my commitment.  Seems I made it a long time ago!  Thanks for pitching in and being a part of this latest adventure.     

I Expect So Much More From You.

Opening Notes for
Pomona College Women's Union

I expect so much more from you. 
You were born cable ready. 
You do not face the obstacles of learning technology or
learning that the earth is small or
that we are all in this together.

I trust you and your decisions about your body ~
to ink, to pierce, to share it with others. 
But I need you to demand your autonomy, demand education,
demand healthcare and reproductive choices. 
I need you to demand the right to say NO.

You are the elite. 
You do not spend  65% of your day carrying water,
you are not at a sewing machine making running shoes,
you are not forced to marry,
you are not barred from school during your period. 
You survived infancy, you have agency. 

I expect so much more from you and the vote is the least of it. 
I expect you to consider every oppressed individual as
a complex integrated human being and not see a designation (like race, SO, GI, religion). 
But rather to see that the unity lies in the power cycle. 
I expect you to see that anything you do to chip away
at the imbalance of power is your service to everyone. 

I expect you to move from I want MY RIGHTS to I want equality. 

Something extraordinary is happening at this time, while you are alive.  This is it. 
Something is bubbling up in numbers that cannot be ignored. 
It is global, not only geographically but across the population, across issues, across borders.
It is time to unite, to find one another, to realize our similarities and
to see clearly that those who hold power are a minority that travels dark alleys.

It is time for new tactics, a new language to manage the unfolding of equality.
It is time for the idea to be more important than one charismatic leader.
It is time to care more about meaning than who said it.
Truth will survive by its own special force,
beyond a rarefied body of legislators in a State House

Now that there is a global conversation, the truth will shake out.
We have a common intuition and hear what sounds right and
what sounds insincere, manipulated, even invented. 
There is something coalescing that has the same chant, tone, cadence ~
Arab Spring, Occupy, Slutwalk, Women Unite, Travon Martin protests, Keystone
People are finding what binds them in one simple phrase ~ Enough is Enough. 

I don’t care what specific minority you currently represent,
the fact is you belong to all of the them. 
It is time to say, enough is enough.

Dreaming about 21st Century American Buddhism

As I work on a new book The Engaged Heart, I went back over 500 weblogs I have posted in the last twelve years.  Seems I have been wanted to redesign American Buddhism for some time.

7/23/2003  A Buddhist Dream
      Monks needed something to do.  Or I want to go so far as to say that there are men and women whose hearts are spilling over with passion and have no place to spend it.  There are men and women who have a burning desire to live with intention -- to know no meaningless breath  --  to be fully engaged, awake, filled with purpose and part of a whole.
       This level of passion never seeks rest from the spirit.  The body dances and the mind spins in deference to the spirit, as the spirit is ruler, supreme choreographer, beloved whisperer.  The passionate heart always chooses to listen.  It is not that they have no choice.  They have every choice and they choose spirit.  It runs deeper than desire.  It is not content with occasional service.  It cannot live in patchwork fashion; serving one hour a day, one day a week or one step at a time.  It requires fulltime dedication or fulltime mourning.  It is a matter of depth that longs to be filled, longs to be spent.  This passion must be of service.  This passion wants to be integrated into society -- meeting needs -- developing new ways to address new problems.  This passion is a lasting, reliable, sobering intoxicant. 
      I was dreaming.  I am dreaming.  It is a dream of Buddhist orders of American men and women who lead passionate lives of genuine integrated service.  Warriors of light  Teachers of stillness.  Leaders of joyous clarity ñ building spiritual communities that are fully and fearlessly integrated into American life -- uplifting us all. 

8/15/2003 Heart of Astrology
      The 20th Century created a flood of information.  To process and organize all of it, everything was reduced to smaller, more understandable components.    People were categorized.  Cells were classified.  DNA was identified.  It lead to great encyclopedic knowledge and terrible exploitation of atoms.  A person was divvied up by specializing doctors proclaiming their turf; leaving us with a nightmare of trying to piece ourselves back together. 
      The 21st Century is the time to unite.  It is time to see the forest, the overall effect, the whole of humanity, the integration of body, mind, soul and spirit.  It is time to stand hand in hand; dissolving boundaries and drawing others into larger and larger circles of inclusion and integration.  It is time to focus on what unites us: every study, every discipline, every phylum, every being, every molecule.  It is time to embrace and hold dear every dissected isolated granule of life.  It is time to recognize that the division of the last century, that lonely disparity, was merely an illusion and in reality everything and everyone is a unified whole joined together in infinite motion.   Illuminated with prayer, meditation and understanding, the very things which separate will be the things which bring us together.

8/28/2003  American Buddhism
On my 55^th birthday ~
     First, I believe that my definition requires no agreement.  Nor does yours.  Second, Buddhism occurs from within a culture.  It cannot be imported or exported.  Historically, the imported forms always fade.  Each culture creates its own form.  It unfolds as their culture ages.  India, China, Japan, Thailand and others slowly, elegantly unfolded their own Buddhism.  Sects are not shards from a main teaching, but a genuine and relevant customization.  Third, Buddhism involves the conscious construction (call it deconstruction or reconstruction) of the internal landscape.  The mind is watched, organized, disciplined, controlled, emptied, filled and brightly lighted. 
      Finally, I believe that American Buddhism will not arrive via an ocean.  No jet or ship or text or teaching will ultimately establish American Buddhism.  It will unfold in the minds of Americans who integrate their practice within the context of their culture.  It will be appropriate, natural, useful, unique, exquisite and it will be truly American.  It is percolating tonight in the practice of thousands of Americans.  I hope I live long enough to see it named.